PontifiKate

On a Personal Note

(but not so personal that I won't blog about it)

I just sent out a big e-update at the end of which I mentioned my thoughts about what the coming years might hold for me. I had a woman respond (kindly) because she feared that I had omitted marriage and motherhood from my list because I think I have a higher calling, or something. Oh! Yeah, I guess I did leave out the marriage possibility, didn't I? Now, why would I go and do a thing like that when in truth I'd like nothing better, and as I believe that to be as high a calling as any?

Well, as I've sought to be faithful and contented as a single, I've learned that the best way to do so is to operate in light of what I know about my present circumstances. Right now there is no guy, so I'm planning the next little while without him -- although I must admit that I tend to make choices I could see being compatible with "meeting someone". Of course it's a personal choice of mine, but I think that constantly referring to the possibility of marriage in my future makes it harder to be content as a single now. It's always in the back (or middle or front) of my mind, though, and I do desire it quite a lot.

The problem is that there are girls that become disillusioned because they expect to marry right after college (or whenever), they reach that point, and they still haven't met their man. I decided years ago that I didn't want to be that girl. It's possible that choosing the path of contentedness in the sober light of the possibility that God might not have a husband for me has made me appear not to have the same desire as the girl who is busily preparing herself for nothing but motherhood. Maybe I've not been pursued by someone who would have had I seemed to want or expect it more. God only knows! But God also knows what’s best for me, and I don’t think that includes me planning on something that, for all I know, might not happen.

I hope that my efforts at contentedness haven’t kept guys away, although my current take on it is that that mindset should actually be an attraction to the kind of guy I’m hoping for. I dunno. All I can say is that I’m pursuing faithfulness in singleness the best I can, and boy, is it a lot of mental work! I’ve often thought that I could write a book about living faithfully as a girl in the world today, since I‘ve thought so much about such issues. If I do (and I might!), an adaptation of the above will probably make it in somewhere. :o)

posted by Kate @ 11:19 AM